MARRIAGE: SECOND TIME AROUND

Because there are now so many people around in the remarriage market a whole new industry has arisen to cope with them. Marriage bureaux are, of course, not new but they are increasing in numbers and some deal with specialised groups of the population. Computer-dating is popular and singles clubs and those for the divorced and separated are commonplace. The middle-aged, once single again, have particular problems because, although the media often portrays them as having all the advantages of being single, the reality is very different. Confidence may have been lost and, as they are older, adjusting to a new potential partner is harder. Divorced women are often seen as a threat by married women and so may have difficulty in meeting suitable men.

However, it appears that about half of divorced people find their second partner through informal sources (friends and relatives) and half through formal ones. The sex lives of the divorced vary greatly — some abstaining because they feel so wretched about it all (though their feelings change over the months and a normal sex drive returns in most people) and others for religious and moral reasons. Those who can have sex only in the context of romantic love often remarry very quickly to legitimise their need for sex.

About 60 per cent of remarriages are to other divorced and separateds. This is probably no bad thing since they recognise the problems and pitfalls and can understand each other’s situation better. They reassure each other that they are not unique in their problems, or unstable, and a bond is more likely to form as a result. Unfortunately, most people are unaware of the real reasons for their marriage failure and so make exactly the same mistakes again. Nearly half of all remarriages fail, mainly because people choose those who are similar to their first spouse (although this may not necessarily be obvious to those involved). Those who have been married twice have a divorce rate five times the norm.

*62\164\2*