BDD BEHAVIOURS – WEIGHT LIFTING, AEROBICS, AND OTHER FORMS OF EXERCISE
Some people with BDD exercise excessively. They may run or do aerobics to decrease cellulite or the perceived flabbiness of their thighs, or to make their arms or legs slimmer or larger. Others do sit-ups to flatten their stomach. These behaviors are carried to an extreme. As a 30-year-old woman said, «My whole day is planned around exercise.» A man I treated was so worried about not exercising during his hour-long drive to see me, thinking his muscles would «shrivel up,» that he joined 5 gyms between his house and my office, which he worked out at along the way.Exercise often doesn’t have the desired effect, and some people think it makes them look even worse. One woman did what she called «extreme exercises» to decrease supposed facial bloating. «But the exercise didn’t have the desired effect,» she said. «In fact, it made my legs look bigger and worse. I became obsessed with my legs while I was waiting for them to decrease in size.»Nick, a 32-year-old former car mechanic, carried weight lifting to an extreme, severely damaging his body. He believed his body was too small, which he related to feelings that women didn’t find him attractive or «enough of a man.» To increase his size, he ate massive quantities of food, weight-gain powders, and special vitamins. He also wore extra shirts and padded his clothes. «But the main thing I did,» he said, was lift weights. I lifted for hours a day. In retrospect, I realize I looked fine before I started to lift, and I’m sure everyone else thought I looked fine, too. I looked normal. I was 195 pounds; I wasn’t fat, but I wasn’t overdeveloped. Now I realize I probably looked even better that way. But at the time, I thought I looked too small. I was obsessed with looking bigger. I wanted to be stronger and more masculine. I wanted to be the biggest person on the planet!»I became obsessed with working out. I spent a lot pf the day lifting. I had to exercise before I left the house. I had to get the feeling and the look of bigness before I went out. I was trying to keep up with my friends who were using steroids. And I did get big—I got a lot of reinforcement for it. People would compliment me. Sometimes I even felt high while I was lifting. But I still felt I wasn’t big enough. I had to get even bigger.»Lifting became the focus of Nick’s life. «It’s embarrassing to talk about this,» he said. «I’m ashamed of how it interfered with my life—I stopped working because of it, I dropped out of life…. I couldn’t concentrate on my work because all I was thinking about was lifting. I actually stopped working because I couldn’t get out of the house without exercising. I didn’t see my friends—I just stayed in my basement lifting. I lost a lot of them because of it. Once, I got so upset thinking I wasn’t big enough that I stayed in my basement for a month, lifting and lifting. I was desperate to be bigger—I couldn’t get out of the basement! I was so depressed, thinking I’d never be big enough, that I thought I’d rather be dead. I couldn’t let anyone see my body.»Nick injured himself so severely that he had to stop playing sports, and he wasn’t able to work. He was often in pain, and even had difficulty walking. When I saw him, he was in physical therapy and had to use crutches to walk. «I totally ruined my body by lifting,» he said. «I tore my muscles apart. The irony is that now I can’t work out at all—not even a normal amount.»*110\204\8*
